There's something about big, boisterous Punjabi weddings that makes you want to get married. Usually, this phenomenon happens when you are young (read: stupid) and have just been to a mad Punjabi wedding where you ended up bhangra-paoing with this really super cute person of the opposite sex, , even as the DJ blared 'Kala Chashma', 'Main Nikla Gaddi Leke' and tracks from The Best Of Himess Reshammiya.



You don't know if that person is single, interested, or STD-free, but you are hooked. Maybe you are high on the FREE food and can't help getting attracted to anything… delicious. Maybe it's the whole idea that 'shaadi is followed by suhaag raat' that is making you happy… in certain parts of your body. Maybe you are FINALLY tired of dancing, shaadi after shaadi, only with ugly uncles and aunties with their obscene bellies and 'Stay Raw' type dance moves. Or maybe, you just want to own all those AWESOME wedding gifts, unwrap them, pop the virginity of their bubble wraps and then lie on your bed happily in exhaustion!



Of course, all this happens when you don't know any better. Because somewhere between the time you want to marry out of your own will, and the time you are made to marry with a gun to your head, comes this stage where you realize you'll never get to have sex with anyone else (or sex AT ALL), if you marry. And suddenly, marriage is not that attractive anymore.



Win, win, win... and fail

This is somewhat similar to the timeline of Band Baajaa Baaraat too. The first half, with all its wedding planning, is so much fun that you want to get married to that attractive person, have suhaag raat repeatedly, go on honeymoon and don't even think about the sex you are not going to get anytime soon. But then, the second half comes, and you forget love and lust and start worrying about shopping bills, parlour bills, phone bills, raising kids bills, and rented porn bills. You also realize that Ranveer Singh should have been slapped in the first half too.



In fact, he's to blame more than anything else for the downfall of the movie in the second half. What could have been a never-ending dhinchak baaraat dance, ends up being band bajaoed because the director shows the extremely unreal scenario of the beautiful Anushka Sharma having a one night stand with… well, the not-so-beautiful Ranveer Singh. That is understandable because it was night time, she was drunk, and she probably didn't see his face when having the one night stand. But what's utterly ridiculous is, that even though she sees his face in the morning, she still fell in love with him.



I have nothing against Ranveer Singh - he's definitely better looking than Emraan Hashmi, Tusshar Kapoor and Dolly Bindra – but you know, that's not saying much now, is it? Maybe he's not even to blame. Maybe, Yashraj is casting heroes who look like him to prove that they were not being nepotist when they cast Uday Chopra in all their movies.



Ranveer Singh Vs Uday Chopra

He can definitely act, which gives him a biiiiiiiiiig upper edge over the before-mentioned names, but the chances of him getting to kiss Anushka Sharma TWO TIMES (!@#$) in real life are not too good (unless Anushka is blind or charitable, which would explain why she was apparently dating him!@#$). More importantly, I had called dibs on Anushka after Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi only, so I'm not too happy that 'dibs' doesn't count for much in this world these days.



But the good thing about the movie is that it gives us hope. If Yash Raj films can cast Ranveer Singh as a hero, ANY one of us can become a hero and get to kiss girls who look like Anushka Sharma. And that's why we, our chaiwalas, our rikshawalas, VJ Siddharth, and everyone else, should watch the movie.



But, Seriously: Go watch the movie for the kickass first half, the superb acting and dialogues... and let's hope the director Maneesh Sharma's next movie scores in the second half too!